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Today is Day 87 and I am feeling pretty good. I had my Hickman Catheter removed this morning (OUCH!), and am glad it's gone. While it served its purpose well, the daily burden of caring for it was turning into a job. Now that I am only getting my blood draws every two weeks, I think I can tolerate getting stuck. I see my oncologist this afternoon - that's another post.
Now to my disappointments. My 13-month old granddaughter, Julia, got her MMR (measles, mumps and rubella) vaccine as well as her chickenpox vaccine this week. Because they are live vaccines (vaccines that contain a small amount of the virus in order to stimulate the body's immunce system to recognize it as foreign, destroy it, and "remember" it, so that the immune system can easily recognize and destroy it if encountered later), I am not allowed to be around her for a month - that includes even being in the same house because of something called "shedding" that takes place. Shedding is when the live virus that is injected via vaccine, moves through her adorable little body and comes back out in the feces, droplets from the nose, or saliva from the mouth. Anyone who is around her could potentially contract the disease, but because I am immune suppressed and no longer immunized, I could easily get the virus. All of my childhood immunizations were killed when my bone marrow was killed by the chemo that I got while in the hospital. I know what you're thinking, "why doesn't Brad's marrow and his immunizations cover Bev"? Well, I'm not quite sure why, I just know that it doesn't work that way. I'll be getting my own childhood immunizations at one year post-BMT. This disappointment is harder to endure than some of my treatments were!
My second disappointment this week - I think I've been fired, let go, laid off, whatever, from my job at Towson University. Guess they got tired of waiting for me. Of course, this is not official, but from e-mails and phone conversations (or lack of), I'm pretty sure it's enevitable. I'll let you know.
So you see, having a serious illness is not just about being sick and getting better and all the treatment and side effects that come in between. It's also about disappointment, stress, anger, sadness, resentment, disenchantment, frustration..........need I continue?
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Beverly-
ReplyDeleteIt was great to see you and have a chance to chat with you last weekend. You are still awesome in my eyes and I do enjoy it when I see something new on your blog. Great that you are feeling up to writing again. A real bummer to find out the job may be a thing of the past. I'm sure you were looking forward to the time when you would be back there and the disappointment you are now feeling about that. The one thing I have noticed as the years have gone by is that usually when something like that happens something better comes along to fill that space. One year I was let go 3 times (during the last recession), the first time I was let go was the week my daughter was to start at Georgetown. She thought she might have to give up that education since I didn't have a job. It all worked out in the end and I was able to secure another job with a little more money. Of course that didn't last but a few months when that place shut it's doors, and on to another job, and then another one after that. It was a little nerve wracking, but each one taught me new skills and my salary was going up despite the economy. So let's hope the same happens for you...a better job...expanding your skills...and more $$$ to boot. I feel that when you are ready everything will fall into place.
Patty
You've been through so much and it seems like there is always a surprise around the corner. It is easy to say, take one day at a time, but it is really hard especially for those of us that like to plan ahead. Maybe that is one of the lessons that we can all learn from.
ReplyDeleteHang in there - there is an end to all of this! We love you.
Donna and Bill